Poem: I Regret

(Published poems!)

Reminder triggers are a concern on Tod Leben.

This poem- I Regret- is found in [Poem a Day May 2020]


Triggers: suggestive death; medical

I Regret

I hold your hand
it’s been so long
you’ve fought so hard
don’t give up

“do you regret?”
what could you mean
regret what
when you reference you and me

“being with me?
I’ve always been sick.
nothing has changed.
only the end has come at last.”

it’s not the end
we never saw
the airplanes soar
or the butterfly falls

“it’s over.
I can’t fight no more.
my body refuses.
I must leave now.”

your voice is so quiet
a whisper almost
and I’m only able to hear
because I am so close

why would you use such a word
as if I would regret
living as we’ve done

you were my sunshine
on a cloudy day
you were my hope
when it only rained

you offered reminders
such as we need the rain
or the flowers won’t bloom
and we won’t get spring

you told me stories
of so many types
you boasted being the best
and ended up being right

so many times you’ve
taught me how to win
and how to fight
because that’s all you’ve done

all of your life
you stared at the moon
wishing you ended each night
and the dawn wouldn’t greet you

but I never asked for that
not ever
you were my sunshine
you were my four leaf clover

so often I’d hear you
beg death to come
to make the pain stop
to say he has won

and I begged for him
to stay far away
I wouldn’t want to miss
a single goddamn day

as he takes you away
worn down from battles
as he steals my heart
my only precious thing left

I regret
not taking a thousand pictures
of us together
and of you when you laughed

I regret
not bringing you flowers
or chocolates
or taking you to the park to sit

I regret
not helping you master
any little thing
that came to your mind

I regret
not bringing you places
even for a moment
because sickness shouldn’t stop life

I regret
not holding your hand
as you held my heart
every moment since the first

I regret
not telling you everything
like how much you mean
and so much more

“do you regret
being by my side?
I’ve been sick
my entire life.”

I regret…
there is nothing I regret more
than missing what years
you were all alone

I regret
not saying I love you enough
or making sure you knew
how much you mattered

I regret
you asking me this question
because how could you think
for even one second

I can’t regret
being your friend
your life and mine
should be together forever.

I regret
not making you mine
and not telling the world
and a damn thing more

I’d regret most
you meeting your end
answering to Death
when I still need you here

continue to fight
I know it is hard
I know I am selfish
but continue to fight

[Poetry Archive] [Poem a Day May 2020]

Poem a Day May 2020 by Tod Leben cover

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