Poem: More Than Half the Year

Fuck ton of triggers sitting in here.

y’all need to step back before moving in

More Than Half the Year is filled with me

and the trouble im facing

do not just call for assistance

there isnt any

a helping hand of services who cant understand

wont matter in any time frame

buy one of my books

leave a review

leave a comment here or there

treat me as human

that’s all i can ask.

otherwise, step back,

dont read about me

my life is far lower than you realize

still… this is me


More Than Half the Year

more than half the year is over
what have i got ot show for it
nothing seems to be the answer
doesnt matter if you can say differently

all my attempts
have left me with nothing
no matter how often
books are sold
its still not enough
to gain proper care

im staring at issues
increasing in type
as life gets harder to live
and my world is shrinking

with half the year
finished and over
my word count hasnt meant anything
the stories started and completed
havent left me with existence

im unwanted
unneeded
im not required
by anyone
why do i keep trying
what is life worth

half the year dead and done
and my goals are limited
left me with little to nothing
and im sitting as if it means anything
pretend
im just an imposter

i call myself an author
even if i cant sell
even if no one knows my name
or what i am
or whether ive mastered my craft
or if im some sort of idiot

parenting just makes me tired
nothing i do seems to matter
all my jobs are taking their toll
not helping me survive
not give me a reason to try

im tired in so many ways
my body is breaking down
and im ready to give up

my hope left
my forever friend never came
and i am alone in a world
where loneliness kills
community hates
and family would turn you in
if ever it gave them a payday

more than half a year down
2021 is going along as is normal
august sits pretty
and im alone
wishful thinking hasnt gotten me anything
hope has only kept me from attempting
yet all i think about
anymore
is that noose
and please dont commit me
it didnt help before
and it wont help now

i need a savior
a knight in shining armor
a friend who can guide me past
this darkness
or maybe we can wade through
together so the loneliness subsides
and i wont want to cry
every night when trying to sleep
because everything is dim
and everything is making me lose
and i just cant

i cant

more than half the year is over
and i have nothing to show for it
please give me space
unless you can be that knight

honestly…?
id rather you buy a book
write a review
because i dont need one knight
i need many
and thats what would make
the biggest difference in my life

but thats asking too much
no one cares about my life
no one cares about me
its been my life
lost in shadows
unwanted
unneeded
and without any reason to keep trying

fuck me


[The Books]

https://paypal.me/hartliebecat (If you just wish to show love)

No amount of psych help has ever made a difference in my life. It’s only hurt me further, dragged me down. Finding people who can truly help and support is hard. And just calling 911 will not help me. You’ll only do more damage. A lot more damage.

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